Last Sunday, December 5, we didn't have class - the weather wasn't friendly. This coming Sunday, December 12 - we will have 3rd base parenting. Weather could look better!
Also, Winter Wonderland is this Sunday as well!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
2nd Base Parenting
Due to the holidays and all, the past couple of weeks have been some question and answer times and sharing thoughts about different issues we encounter with our families. Last Sunday, November 28, we talked about teaching our kids HOW to do what we want. The meaning of some words to us as adults do not necessarily have the same meaning to our kids. We must realize what we say is not as impactful as what we do. The phrase "more is caught than is taught" is so applicable.
We can't forget that our kids do not have the experience that we do, and do not automatically associate meaning with words that we do from our adult experience. Someone being "lazy" may be horrid to us and seem to have no affect on the child - because they don't associate the horrors of laziness. Doesn't make it ok to be lazy - but how we communicate will change.
We went to Psalm 22:6 which speaks of training a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. While this has been a source of confusion, because sometimes parents do their best to train the children and the children still depart - there are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is that God is God and outside of our time. We struggle to see results of work today and what it means tomorrow - especially in our busy culture of high expectations. Sometimes things turn around more than we might think. The other that the original language can suggest that we train the child according to their 'bents'. Chuck Swindol devotes a great deal space and time to speak about this in some of his past work on the family. We know each child is different as each snowflake is different. That means we help our children bring their talents into training - we train them with God's word in connection with who they are. No cookie cutter answers - and not without a great deal of effort.
It's never to late to start doing what is right. Our God is a god of second chances! We lay the ground work for our children's priorities with our own priorities.
We can't forget that our kids do not have the experience that we do, and do not automatically associate meaning with words that we do from our adult experience. Someone being "lazy" may be horrid to us and seem to have no affect on the child - because they don't associate the horrors of laziness. Doesn't make it ok to be lazy - but how we communicate will change.
We went to Psalm 22:6 which speaks of training a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. While this has been a source of confusion, because sometimes parents do their best to train the children and the children still depart - there are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is that God is God and outside of our time. We struggle to see results of work today and what it means tomorrow - especially in our busy culture of high expectations. Sometimes things turn around more than we might think. The other that the original language can suggest that we train the child according to their 'bents'. Chuck Swindol devotes a great deal space and time to speak about this in some of his past work on the family. We know each child is different as each snowflake is different. That means we help our children bring their talents into training - we train them with God's word in connection with who they are. No cookie cutter answers - and not without a great deal of effort.
It's never to late to start doing what is right. Our God is a god of second chances! We lay the ground work for our children's priorities with our own priorities.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
First Base - November 14
We've talked a lot about our role as Pitcher in the game - we make the connections between the layers of our kids lives and our own. On the 14th we'll talk about modeling behavior for our kids.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Class Plans for November 7
We will not have class this coming Sunday at 9:30 to attend a presentation by our Missionaries to Japan in the main auditorium.
Click Here to learn more about our work in Japan.
Steve & Debbie Carrell are with us this Sunday, so we look forward to spending some time with them learning about their work. Some of our youth have taken mission trips to Japan to assist with the outreach work there.
Click Here to learn more about our work in Japan.
Steve & Debbie Carrell are with us this Sunday, so we look forward to spending some time with them learning about their work. Some of our youth have taken mission trips to Japan to assist with the outreach work there.
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Parenting Game (October 24 & 31)
We have considered the importance of parenting our kid's hearts, as well as their external behaviors. Parenting takes a plan. Where as some professions have total control over their product, parents don't, but God gives us much needed instructions. The wise Solomon said, "Unless the LORD builds the house, it's builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain" (Psalm 127:1). The most important ingredient to our homes is a steadfast following of the will of God. To help us consider some parenting ingredients, we'll use a baseball diamond.
It's a simple plan. Baseball is a fairly simple game in general, there's potential for complication. So it is with parenting, simple but complicated.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell.
- First and foremost is the pitcher's position. It's not going to be a good day for the team whose pitcher doesn't pitch well. Similarly, it's a rough ride in any home were healthy relationships aren't constantly pursued. We can't have effective Biblical parenting without a healthy relationship with our child or children. This includes quality of relationship as well as quantity of time with the child. There are no shortcuts on this. It's crucial that parents work together on their own relationship and their relationship with the child. When that's not possible, due to death or divorce, make every effort to build the relationship with your child that lets them know they are important to you. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" (Colossians 3:12-14).
- After hitting the pitch of healthy relationships, run to first base by taking a look at the behavior you model for your kids. Consider how you treat God, your spouse, your style of communicating with family members, and how important stuff like prayer and Bible study are to you. How do you handle your anger? If we are to be godly leaders in our homes, we must lead by example, there no effective other way. "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1).
- Our run to second base calls on us to consider whether we are teaching our kids how to behave appropriately. Showing a young learner how to play a game like Monopoly is far better than tossing the box to him or her and saying good luck. Life challenges us with things like controlling the temper, temptation to lie, the impulse to throw things or people, etc. Teaching our kids how to respond is much more effective than expecting them to know. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Psalm 22:6).
- Third base is important as well. Behaviors that are strengthened or reinforced will likely show up more than behaviors that aren't. Our kids have a build in desire to please us. "O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done" (Psalm 62:11-12).
- Home base is taking a look at how to use negative consequences to weaken inappropriate behavior. It's necessary to get here, but some want to skip the other bases and run to home first. How do I use negative consequences to discourage wrongs, without reinforcing wrong behavior. Jesus said to a church, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent "(Revelation 3:19).
It's a simple plan. Baseball is a fairly simple game in general, there's potential for complication. So it is with parenting, simple but complicated.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Medicinal Rebellion
Is rebellion good for the soul? When we were kids, most of us probably thought so - but now that we are parents - we may need to reconsider. There's a lot of poor info in our world on this topic. Rebellion comes from the heart, but it doesn't start in the teen years, it built from the very beginning. So, it takes a plan to help our kids deal with rebellion in a godly way. Here are some additional reasons we need a plan to reach their hearts:
The heart experiences guilt and conviction of sin. We reached a point and our kids have or will reach a point when choices are made that are sinful. Sometimes we can look at our kids and know they are guilty. Guilt robs us and our kids of peace. Guilt is a lot like pain - it's a gift you would prefer not to have. Pain keeps us from damaging our bodies. Guilt keeps us focused on the forgiveness of Christ. It makes his gift meaningful. Depending on how we handle guilt we will either motivate our kids to cover up wrongdoing, blame others, justify it - or do it God's way and confess make things right. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). We have the privilege of helping our children grow into understanding the gift of forgiveness.
The heart experiences passion. Whether it's a job or a playing a sport or an instrument or whatever, we know when someone "has their heart in it" - or not. Helping children learn to give their best - is another gift we have in shaping their hearts. "I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin again you" (Psalm 119:10-11).
The heart chooses values and convictions to live by. This touches on the area of what one does when no one sees and no one knows. The very young man Daniel chose not to eat the royal food even though everyone else was and he could have died for his choice. The KJV says he "purposed in his heart that we would not defile himself" (Daniel 1:8). True heros are not the strongest or the smartest, they are those who live by conviction. So, when does one stand up for himself and when does one submit? What does honestly really look like - when no one will know? These are heart issues that we have the privilege of shaping - and they will get shaped by someone else if we don't do our job.
The heart is the connecting place with God. Belief is an essential block to accepting Christ - and it takes place in the heart (Romans 10:10). When we are baptized into Christ, he puts his "seal of ownership on us, and put(s) his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit..." (2 Corinthians 1:22).
So, all together that is NINE reasons we have to make affecting our kids hearts a huge priority! Here are the things about the heart. The heart is:
Our next meeting will offer a plan to affect our hearts. This chart is a preview.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell and Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
The heart experiences guilt and conviction of sin. We reached a point and our kids have or will reach a point when choices are made that are sinful. Sometimes we can look at our kids and know they are guilty. Guilt robs us and our kids of peace. Guilt is a lot like pain - it's a gift you would prefer not to have. Pain keeps us from damaging our bodies. Guilt keeps us focused on the forgiveness of Christ. It makes his gift meaningful. Depending on how we handle guilt we will either motivate our kids to cover up wrongdoing, blame others, justify it - or do it God's way and confess make things right. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). We have the privilege of helping our children grow into understanding the gift of forgiveness.
The heart experiences passion. Whether it's a job or a playing a sport or an instrument or whatever, we know when someone "has their heart in it" - or not. Helping children learn to give their best - is another gift we have in shaping their hearts. "I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin again you" (Psalm 119:10-11).
The heart chooses values and convictions to live by. This touches on the area of what one does when no one sees and no one knows. The very young man Daniel chose not to eat the royal food even though everyone else was and he could have died for his choice. The KJV says he "purposed in his heart that we would not defile himself" (Daniel 1:8). True heros are not the strongest or the smartest, they are those who live by conviction. So, when does one stand up for himself and when does one submit? What does honestly really look like - when no one will know? These are heart issues that we have the privilege of shaping - and they will get shaped by someone else if we don't do our job.
The heart is the connecting place with God. Belief is an essential block to accepting Christ - and it takes place in the heart (Romans 10:10). When we are baptized into Christ, he puts his "seal of ownership on us, and put(s) his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit..." (2 Corinthians 1:22).
So, all together that is NINE reasons we have to make affecting our kids hearts a huge priority! Here are the things about the heart. The heart is:
- a wrestling place for decisions
- where commitments and determination grows
- where we feel close to others
- the place emotions are experienced
- the starting point of temptations and desires
- the seat of guilt and conviction of sin
- is a place of passion
- where values and convictions rest
- the connecting place with God
Our next meeting will offer a plan to affect our hearts. This chart is a preview.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell and Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Parent Savers
What is the purpose of life guard training or of CPR training? As much as anything, it's to have a plan in place that works. It's not so much that CPR will not work if you get off a beat or two - but that you have a plan. Parenting children is much the same way. Every child is different... every plan has to be custom made, however, these words still stand true, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge it's rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24:3). Don't allow the rush of life to squeeze the joy of rearing children out of your heart.
Start with the end in mind. Where as an Artist can visualize the end of a piece and put in place the actions needed to create the vision - parenting is more like a game of chess - someone else is playing. In Parenting there are things over which we have control - and things we don't. While we can't control genetics, things our kids will be exposed to, and especially their will, we can control the kind of parent we are. Having realistic end in our minds is crucial - or we may try to achieve to much or that which is impossible - setting ourselves up for failure from the beginning.
"... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).
Our goal is to cultivate the ground of the heart. There is a natural progression in our kids from birth to when they leave our homes of the picture of control. It's a tricky thing. There's an idea, and then there's the reality.
For us to truly prepare our children to deal with the adult world, we must affect their hearts. Sometimes parents are content to affect 'behavior' without affecting the heart. It takes both.
Why Worry about the Heart?
There are a bunch of reasons... here are a few:
The plan is to teach our kids how to respond to God. In the future, we will consider how to do that.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell and Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
Start with the end in mind. Where as an Artist can visualize the end of a piece and put in place the actions needed to create the vision - parenting is more like a game of chess - someone else is playing. In Parenting there are things over which we have control - and things we don't. While we can't control genetics, things our kids will be exposed to, and especially their will, we can control the kind of parent we are. Having realistic end in our minds is crucial - or we may try to achieve to much or that which is impossible - setting ourselves up for failure from the beginning.
"... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).
Our goal is to cultivate the ground of the heart. There is a natural progression in our kids from birth to when they leave our homes of the picture of control. It's a tricky thing. There's an idea, and then there's the reality.
For us to truly prepare our children to deal with the adult world, we must affect their hearts. Sometimes parents are content to affect 'behavior' without affecting the heart. It takes both.
Why Worry about the Heart?
There are a bunch of reasons... here are a few:
- The heart is a wrestling place. We want to help our kids learn to think the way God wants them to think. Jesus asked the teachers of the law, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your heart?" (Matthew 9:4). All of our teaching and training, discipline and encouragement is wrestled with in the heart. If we neglect to affect it, the world will not neglect to affect it.
- The heart is the place of commitments and determination. The greatest commandment according to Jesus is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart" (Matthew 22:37). Jesus tells us where everything that matters begins.
- The heart is where we feel close to others. Neglected by many of today's parents is this important sentence in Acts 4:32, "All the believers were one in heart and mind." having affection for God can't be separated from having affection for God's people.
- The heart is where we experience emotions. Peace is not something many people possess. Peace can seem to be only a dream when raising children. However, Paul admonishes us with "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body, you were called to peace. And be thankful" (Colossians 3:15). Fear, happiness, sadness, anger, love, peace... are all things that connect in our soul, our heart. There's probably nothing more missing in kids than gratitude - or more important that we teach them.
- The heart is where temptations and desires develop. We can set our priorities, or our desire for treasure on the things of Christ (Matthew 6:21) - and when we do so it is from our hearts. The temptations our kids face come from Satan but are based in the heart. Dealing with temptation starts with the heart.
The plan is to teach our kids how to respond to God. In the future, we will consider how to do that.
Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell and Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Starting October 3!
I'm so excited about our Parent Zone coming up October 3. It's a chance for parents of younger children to get together while our kids are in Discovery Club - 9:30 on Sundays. This is an opportunity to get to know other parents of young children, enjoy a Bible lesson together, talk about stuff we deal with and pray.
Our focus is on helping our kids respond to God every day... and that's a pretty awesome job! I'm looking forward to seeing you in room 113 on October 3 at 9:30.
I'll post what we are up to and how things are going here in the future.
Our focus is on helping our kids respond to God every day... and that's a pretty awesome job! I'm looking forward to seeing you in room 113 on October 3 at 9:30.
I'll post what we are up to and how things are going here in the future.
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