The Parenting Game (October 24 & 31)

We have considered the importance of parenting our kid's hearts, as well as their external behaviors. Parenting takes a plan. Where as some professions have total control over their product, parents don't, but God gives us much needed instructions. The wise Solomon said, "Unless the LORD builds the house, it's builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain" (Psalm 127:1). The most important ingredient to our homes is a steadfast following of the will of God. To help us consider some parenting ingredients, we'll use a baseball diamond.

• First and foremost is the pitcher's position. It's not going to be a good day for the team whose pitcher doesn't pitch well. Similarly, it's a rough ride in any home were healthy relationships aren't constantly pursued. We can't have effective Biblical parenting without a healthy relationship with our child or children. This includes quality of relationship as well as quantity of time with the child. There are no shortcuts on this. It's crucial that parents work together on their own relationship and their relationship with the child. When that's not possible, due to death or divorce, make every effort to build the relationship with your child that lets them know they are important to you. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" (Colossians 3:12-14).

• After hitting the pitch of healthy relationships, run to first base by taking a look at the behavior you model for your kids. Consider how you treat God, your spouse, your style of communicating with family members, and how important stuff like prayer and Bible study are to you. How do you handle your anger? If we are to be godly leaders in our homes, we must lead by example, there no effective other way. "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1).

 

• Our run to second base calls on us to consider whether we are teaching our kids how to behave appropriately. Showing a young learner how to play a game like Monopoly is far better than tossing the box to him or her and saying good luck. Life challenges us with things like controlling the temper, temptation to lie, the impulse to throw things or people, etc. Teaching our kids how to respond is much more effective than expecting them to know. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Psalm 22:6).

• Third base is important as well. Behaviors that are strengthened or reinforced will likely show up more than behaviors that aren't. Our kids have a build in desire to please us. "O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done" (Psalm 62:11-12).

• Home base is taking a look at how to use negative consequences to weaken inappropriate behavior. It's necessary to get here, but some want to skip the other bases and run to home first. How do I use negative consequences to discourage wrongs, without reinforcing wrong behavior. Jesus said to a church, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent "(Revelation 3:19).

It's a simple plan. Baseball is a fairly simple game in general, there's potential for complication. So it is with parenting, simple but complicated.

Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell.

Medicinal Rebellion

Is rebellion good for the soul? When we were kids, most of us probably thought so - but now that we are parents - we may need to reconsider. There's a lot of poor info in our world on this topic. Rebellion comes from the heart, but it doesn't start in the teen years, it built from the very beginning. So, it takes a plan to help our kids deal with rebellion in a godly way. Here are some additional reasons we need a plan to reach their hearts:

The heart experiences guilt and conviction of sin. We reached a point and our kids have or will reach a point when choices are made that are sinful.  Sometimes we can look at our kids and know they are guilty. Guilt robs us and our kids of peace. Guilt is a lot like pain - it's a gift you would prefer not to have. Pain keeps us from damaging our bodies. Guilt keeps us focused on the forgiveness of Christ. It makes  his gift meaningful. Depending on how we handle guilt we will either motivate our kids to cover up wrongdoing, blame others, justify it - or do it God's way and confess make things right. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). We have the privilege of helping our children grow into understanding the gift of forgiveness.

The heart experiences passion. Whether it's a job or a playing a sport or an instrument or whatever, we know when someone "has their heart in it" - or not. Helping children learn to give their best - is another gift we have in shaping their hearts. "I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin again you" (Psalm 119:10-11).

The heart chooses values and convictions to live by. This touches on the area of what one does when no one sees and no one knows. The very young man Daniel chose not to eat the royal food even though everyone else was and he could have died for his choice. The KJV says he "purposed in his heart that we would not defile himself" (Daniel 1:8). True heros are not the strongest or the smartest, they are those who live by conviction. So, when does one stand up for himself and when does one submit? What does honestly really look like - when no one will know? These are heart issues that we have the privilege of shaping - and they will get shaped by someone else if we don't do our job.

The heart is the connecting place with God. Belief is an essential block to accepting Christ - and it takes place in the heart (Romans 10:10). When we are baptized into Christ, he puts his "seal of ownership on us, and put(s) his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit..." (2 Corinthians 1:22).

So, all together that is NINE reasons we have to make affecting our kids hearts a huge priority! Here are the things about the heart. The heart is:

• a wrestling place for decisions
• where commitments and determination grows
• where we feel close to others
• the place emotions are experienced
• the starting point of temptations and desires
• the seat of guilt and conviction of sin
• is a place of passion
• where values and convictions rest
• the connecting place with God

Our next meeting will offer a plan to affect our hearts. This chart is a preview.

Note: In addition to the Bible, I used thoughts from The Parent Life Saver by Dr. Todd Cartmell and Parenting Is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.